Carlo Torriani

SWARGA DWAR

The conversion of a catholic missionary

presented by

Card. Simon Pimenta

PIME Publications, PIME Regional House, Eluru - 534 0-07, A.P., India

THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF DYING

 Letter No. 57, September 2000

Dear Friends,

                    The experience of this year group of young people who came to Swarga Dwar has been traumatic. Six of them came this year in July-August: four sent by PIME and two independently. This young people come here to India with the idea of “helping people”, of “working for the mission”, of “doing some good”. But all this is not possible unless there is before an internal transformation or personal conversion. Everyone has to experience first his own limits, inability and feel his own uselessness. The Gospel says: “When you have done your duty say: we are useless servants”.

The experience of uselessness is something which happen to all those who come with great ideals, and, I think, that it is essential to keep ourselves in humility. Only after accepting our uselessness we will be able to accept to do that little that is possible.

                    Two of the young people had been taken to bed with fever and stomach problems. Two had to experiment their inability to live together in one room. Two decided to cut short their stay. Three of them got lost in a slum of Mumbai, in the middle of the crowd, with the rikshawalla not knowing where to go. They fell lost and bewildred.

Never the less all of them had been able to accept this first experience as inevitable first step that I call “the baptism of India”. It is really a baptism, a king of going under water, a feeling of loss. It is a going under water for the purpose of being reborn reshuffled. In order to be reborn one has to learn to die. I stress that is a learning process that means that we must be aware of dying also if it looks like happening by chance. Only if it is a conscious process it can be accepted and can become a fruitful rebirth.

                    It is since ten years that we have youth in SD during the months of July-August, but never before as this year they have had a real “experience of Mission”, of death and resurrection. They have written it on the Visitors Book.

Emanuela wrote: “Sharing, let yourself being taken away, being penetrated, by the smiles, by the sufferings…”

Giuseppe wrote:  “We are going back because your joy is in us and our joy may be perfect”.

Pietro wrote: “ It has been VERY DIFFICULT! But this has been the best experience of my life.”

Damiano wrote: “Everything is love. Under the guidance of His hand. Pilgrims on this earth, now in India.Thanks”

Ilaria: “Sharing!! In spite of the example you have given, for me it has not been easy. Here I came to know persons more strong and more free. Thanks.

                    All these expressions reminded me of my first days in India. That feeling of bewilderment, of loss of identity, of uselessness which comes to you from the mere number of people you see in the street, on the trains, everywhere. At this moment of conscious dying the simple will to stay, to accept, becomes mission.

Doing something, helping people, evangelising,  all these may come later. We do not know when, we do not know how.

The important is this going underwater, disappearing. “If the grain of wheat does not go underground “ said Jesus.

Till when?

We do not know. We must trust Him.

Thank you Pietro, Emanuaela, Damiano, Giuseppe and Alberto. You had made me live onece again my first days of missionary in India.